my journey to sexy

My journey to 'sexy' and overcoming
the shame of my body shape....

I'm 24 years old and I've had the same body shape and size since I was 12. I'm pretty well flat all the way up and down - boobies are not many, hips are small, the butt is small (but plump!) and it's not uncommon for people to think that I'm a small eater, vegetarian and basically too thin.

But the reality of it is that I just have a lightning fast metabolism and have the capability to eat more than most people I know.

I never really thought too much about my body and how I look until I started working on Pin Up Passion and I frequently read comments on the Facebook page that 'men don't want bones, they want curves', 'real women have curves', 'curves are better'...blah blah blah.

I don't blame the Pin Up community for these remarks as I understand that this world is one that embraces the curves instead of shunning them, unlike the main stream media and it's the one place that curvy and plus size women can feel comfortable and unfortunately at times, they feel it's ok to attack the smaller girls, without knowing that some of us are naturally this way.

Overtime reading these comments, I started to question my body and started to feel ashamed that I was so small and not womanly or sexy enough.

I tried eating more junk food to put on weight, however I ended up losing weight as my body wasn't getting any nutrients from the food and just digesting it too quickly.

I tried eating more than I usually do, but that was becoming outrageous - my dinner plates looked like it was to feed a family and not just one person.

And then I started just feeling sad and unhappy with myself.

I constantly spoke on Pin Up Passion about loving yourself and accepting yourself as you are because we're all perfect just as we are, but deep down, the comments on 'real women' were really still hurting me, especially that I never used to have any body image worries.

I was however happy that the usually shunned curvy women were embracing themselves. This really put a smile on my dial. At least I was able to enhance other women's lives.

During this time, I took up pole dancing. I don't know why, I just thought I would.

I was great at the pole dancing tricks but shit at the 'sexy' part because I just didn't believe I could be sexy.

However I stuck with the sport because it was fun. And I got to wear heels. And if you know me, then you know that I'm a big tomboy and heels and I don't mix.

Only in the safety of these bright pink rooms and in the company of spinning poles, I'd wear the heels proud.

And so a year went by. I'd still cringe when I'd try to be sexy.

But then I got to a level in pole dancing where I could no longer hide behind the tricky moves and had to do some sexy dance moves.

And so I worked and worked and worked trying to master this new skill of 'sexy'.

I checked myself out in the mirror lots during training and watched how to best maneuver my body so it DID look feminine. And after a year...something awesome happened.

I felt sexy.

Not just in training, but when I walked down the street wearing my t-shirt and jeans.

I came to the conclusion that I know for a fact that I can't change my body type, but what I can do is accept this body as it is and work on MY body to make me feel womanly...

No longer did I need to compare myself to other women and wish for something else, because this isn't possible. But I could learn to control what I was given and that's when I finally grew confident in myself.

So perhaps this works either way...whether you think you're too skinny, too large, your breasts are too small or too big, you're too short or too tall...

Perhaps it's best to learn that your body shape will never changes (yes, size indeed you can change most of the time if this is what you wish but this is NOT necessary), so learn to work what you have been given.

And remember that there is also much more to life than the way you look. There's your connections that you have with friends and family. The wonderful experiences. Your milestones that you reach and things you make yourself remembered for.

So your body is a perfect way for you to make the most of this life. Remember to take time out to be grateful for the body as a whole and for the stress it has to put up with on a day to day basis.

Oh...and pole dancing rules. I'd highly recommend it, especially with Bobbi's Pole Studio :)

<3 Sorelle


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